Oh Heavens

Hudson in deep thought
H-Poppy…I’m really gonna miss you.
Pops-Why? Where am I going?
H-To heaven.
Pops-Well I don’t plan on going any time soon. I’ll be around a few more years at least.
H-I don’t know Poppy…you’re getting pretty old. 

Hudson dropped this bit of knowledge on my dad one night when they were finishing up dinner at one of their favorite restaurants. She also managed to inform them that she’s not really “Smawt.” My mom of course corrected her and let her know that she is indeed very smart. Of course Hudson’s retort was one that left my mom laughing, disproved her own theory a little bit, but was also a strong point in itself, “I’m not Smawt, cause I don’t even know what Smawt means.” Touche´ young child…touche´.

I know it’s a pretty cliche´ thing to say as a parent, but I think I worry about my kids too much sometimes. It’s really hard not to. Knowing the impact that I have on their lives is something I take very seriously and often times find myself being a little too hard on myself, or so I’ve been told. There are certain things I can teach them with words, some with actions and some things I have to let them learn on their own. Each and every thing though, helps them to develop into the people they will some day become and that scares the living s*%t out of me. You have to tread carefully as a parent, not trying to limit what they know, but try to limit exposing them to something that might be a little too big for them to grasp or understand. There’s a balance, but these two make it very difficult to find.

What scares me more, is that there are certain things I have absolutely no control over.

As little sponges, always absorbing new information, there are things the girls learn from life experience like death, divorce, love, family, friendship, independence and so on, that they start to think about and form their own opinions on. Hudson’s recent conversation with my dad, while really funny, got me to thinking. “Should a 4 year old be thinking about this?” Admittedly, I don’t remember a single thing about being 4 years old and they might not either, but I can almost guarantee you I wasn’t thinking about missing my grandparents when they go to heaven.

This is where I start to worry. How does a little kid, too young to know what it really means to go to heaven, carry that kind of burden on their mind? I’m sure it was just a passing thought and I shouldn’t think too much into it, but then again, thinking too much about this kind of thing, is kind of what I do. Maybe I should see the positive side of it, that she’s thinking about things well beyond her years and that means she’s incredibly intuitive and smart…much smarter than me at her age. Then again, if you ask her, she’s not very “smawt,” so maybe I’ll just work on correcting that thought and go from there.


One thought on “Oh Heavens

  1. She’s thinking about it Nate because of my grandpa. We talk it very often at the house with both my Mom and I so that’s why it’s top of mind. Also they see death in disney movies so that reinforces the interest as well.

    Don’t worry,

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