Oh Boy(s)!

When you have 3 girls, one of the most common things people tend to say is, “oh boy, you’re in trouble.” In this case, they’re usually referring to the teenage years and the emotional ups and downs that come with it. That sentiment is usually one of sympathy, understanding that at some point along the way, boys will come in to the picture and realize every father’s worst fear…that his daughters are indeed growing up.

As a joke (kind of), I’ve been telling the girls they aren’t allowed to date until they’re in college, and even better for me, aren’t allowed to get married until they turn 30. Like most things, they typically reply with a, “yeah sure dad” that only seems to intensify my fear.

Put a pin in that thought and let’s pivot….

I’m a very strong opponent of kids having phones. I don’t believe that children have the capacity to handle the responsibility that comes with having a smart phone. It’s pretty simple. They don’t understand phone etiquette for calling, texting or video chatting. They certainly don’t have the self discipline to keep their nose out of the screen at all times. They just don’t. Indeed there are certain circumstances in which a kid might need a phone, but for the most part, all kids are in the vicinity of an adult who is in possession of a phone should there be a need to use one.

So of course, with a recent change in after school care, I was forced to activate a phone for the girls to call us when they arrived safely at their destination. You see, there’s a need, but I still feel like Val Kilmer in Tombstone when he takes off his badge – “My hipocracy only goes so far.”

The phone was loaded with only family members’ phone numbers and I thought I was pretty clear about that remaining the case until otherwise given permission. They could use the phone to call or text family, but that’s it. I made it clear that the phone is to be shared and that there will be no texting friends, or in any way acting like they’re some punk teenagers with phones. And absolutely no social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) The phone is functional, not social. Period.

If you take a look at that paragraph again, you can as my children did, find a bunch of holes and areas where they’d likely break those rules. This, of course is one of the major reasons I did’t want them having a phone. It would cause more problems than it’s worth. They added a couple friends’ phone numbers, which have been shut down for texting, only calling. They have no social media besides an app called “Musical.ly” which is private and only allows friends we know to view. There is a chat feature, but since it’s just their friends, we figured it was fine.

You see where the loophole was left wide open? Yeah. I do too.

In an unrelated event, their phones/devices were being confiscated by me, when I walked in on Elle throwing her phone down in a suspicious manner. It was clear she was doing something she knew she wasn’t supposed to…which lead me to find conversations with boys on both hers and her sister’s devices.

Now let’s pivot somewhere between both stories and bring them together like PB&J.

While there was nothing bad on the chats it did bring up two completely different issues. One, the loophole left open to chat with friends, essentially served as a texting platform that they weren’t allowed to use on their phone.

Secondly…BOYS! No way. Not yet. Not a chance.

But here I am, after many conversations with Tracey and Annie on how to move forward with this, trying to be the cool dad who doesn’t push his daughters away by shutting down the idea of having crushes and liking boys. I also have the dilemma of allowing them to chat with friends…some of whom could be boys.

If you’re confused and concerned…then welcome to my party. It’s the least fun party I’ve ever been to and one that’s sure to cause even more grey than I already have. My brain can’t handle this kind of stuff. Anyone with any helpful advice here…it’d be much appreciated. I’m not sure how I can possibly maintain the balance. Maybe deep down the idea of a phone has less to do with responsibility and courtesy, and more to do with it representing something none of us wants…our babies to grow up.